Breasts Under Construction

Closing Doors and New Beginnings

2011-08-22T08:19:00.003-05:00

Well my friends, I feel today is the most appropriate day to put an end to the blogosphere chapter of cancerville. Or at least as much of an end as I can. Fourteen years ago today marks the anniversary of my dad's untimely death. And though it saddens my heart every year and never gets easier, I can confidently say that with my good health reports from last month that today warrants a different end. I went and had the series of tests that normally happens at each check-up and got the results shortly thereafter. With each passing appointment that comes out NED (no evidence of disease), it makes life a little smoother and takes off a bit more of the burden. I think my dad would be proud of the woman and survivor I've become and happy for me to put write the ending of this chapter and move forward. He may be gone but forever here in spirit. To closing doors and new beginnings.

May the FORCE be with me

2011-06-27T10:17:00.003-05:00

After having some much needed R&R this past week, I topped off my time away from home by attending the FORCE conference. The conference is aimed at women (and men too) with hereditary cancer to be able to network, connect, learn and generally be around "peers" in the same boat. I enjoyed the opportunity to be able to be amongst people who shared a common bond and more importantly to be able to share our stories with each other and learn. While sometimes being in a setting with that many women talking about a very sobering subject can be overwhelming, I walked away having reassured thoughts that I made the right decisions for myself. And I feel confident that I continue to make the right decisions and can pass that knowledge along to the "next generation" of BRCA positive women. All in all, I can say that my experience was positively boobtastic. Now I can go get my pretty little gals smashed in the morning at my mammogram knowing that they're here to stay for awhile so that scan better be negative for any problems. May the FORCE be with me.

Heat Hangover and Fatigue

2011-06-03T17:12:00.002-05:00

Hello June, thank you for the heat hangover from Memorial Day weekend. I had been anticipating this month's arrival as the onset of summer, but the humidity needs to put itself in check. I mean seriously, I'm feeling sluggish and beastly because I'm a sweater (not to be confused with stylish winter wear). And just for fun, I had a gas leak in my apartment that made me feel even more slow. So I'm asking myself, is my fatigue still leftover from treatment; is it from the weather; is it from a brief gas leak; or a combo pack. I guess for now I'll chalk it up to a combo minus the gas leak and embrace the sunshine. June is also my lead-in to my six month checkup with a mammogram late in the month, then a follow-up with onc in July.

Work, Life, Health

2011-05-25T08:09:00.002-05:00

Well my friends it's been awhile. Sorry about my absence, but the last several weeks have been very hectic. My job that I took to work out the health insurance issues is proving to be an extremely busy situation where I don't sit down for too long before I'm up again and going. Apparently the health care world needs a lot of work (as if we didn't already know that, no sarcasm intended). Yet this does not excuse my lack of attention to here and myself for that matter. Since the job is so busy, I've found myself not taking very good care of my own health. In just this month, I found myself stuck to the couch and bed for days on end on two different occasions. This caused a bit of alarm because on one incident, not only was I sick with flu-like matter, blood was coming out. So I called my East Coast oncologist, and she told me not to worry at this time unless it persists. Therefore once this month is over, I resolve to do better at my work/life balance and even take a vacation or two.

Urban Living In the Year of 3s

2011-04-15T11:17:00.003-05:00

In my year of 3s, I've decided that I want to live alone again. Once a person gets to a certain age, roommates just aren't as fun. Oh wait, I've never really been a big roommate person. Ok so anyhow, this weekend I will embark upon a new journey living alone in my new city. I thought it's a perfect fit to throw into birthmonth: a new beginning in my own urban apartment. It's not exactly a three; it's more so a one. But in the grand scheme of things, I make up for the other two just with myself.

And it shall be called...BIRTHMONTH

2011-04-11T18:50:00.003-05:00

I decided with a few cards trickling in a little late and a few people just getting around to my birthday, this will be birth-month. Well I think it comes as no surprise to anyone that knows me that my birthday is always extended from the beginning of April to the end. And really everyone hears about it much sooner than April anywho so why not hear about it much later. I'll try to keep it to a comfortable discussion level as to not take away from other events and attractions....

The Year of 3s

2011-04-10T18:17:00.002-05:00

My eye made for quite the party trick on my birthday. Never mind people constantly staring, I got to do a few photo ops with my friends that were pretty creepy. With that said though, I had a fun-filled birthday yesterday, full of friends and family. I was awake at midnight to start the day of April 9th, went to bed for my beauty rest, then stayed awake to round out the whole 24 hours with the stroke of the clock at midnight to start my next year of life. Amongst all that birthday craziness, I was reminded to be thankful for another year, and I am thankful for the many things that have come my way, birthday and all. So I've decided to call this the year of thirds since my clock ticked to threes. Yeah it's 33. Therefore, I have two-thirds of a life left to go, which almost takes me to my goal of my 100th birthday. And I guess I'll throw in other things that come in three, but let's leave that to the imagination.

Werewolf Eyes

2011-04-08T13:02:00.002-05:00

Just in time for my birthday tomorrow wouldn't you know I'm picture ready. For some unknown reason Wednesday afternoon, I noticed a blood spot on the white of my eye. I thought no big deal, it'll work its way out and be gone before the weekend. Well the pesky little spot decided to creep around my eye and contain the entire right side of my right eye white. So not only will I have awesome pictures on my birthday that contain what the eye community calls a subconjuctival hemorrhage, but I look like a werewolf with bloody eyes and dilated pupils. And the best part is that it itches and I can feel it on the inside of my eyelid. I might go so far as to say that I'm hypersensitive, but that opens the door to people's punchy comments. We'll see how I look tomorrow, stay tuned.

Blue Toe Cancerversary

2011-04-01T10:39:00.003-05:00

April Fool's, the joke's not on me this year. It's my two year cancerversary today. Yes it marks the day that I was diagnosed, which now seems like it was forever and a day ago. Yet I have not forgotten how the events played out, and I received a little reminder just a moment ago that my body is forever altered. With the chemo and neuropathy and probably just general damage to my body from treatment, my toes turned blue. As I was looking down at my feet while typing away for work, I noticed that I was slightly discolored to the tune of a blue hue. So I'm definitely blaming it on cancerville as a reminder that I went through it. But blue toes or not, I will see another birthday though (next week in fact).

Flares and Ponys

2011-03-29T20:31:00.003-05:00

A couple updates this week...first, just when I thought cold weather was behind us, especially now that I'm not in the Midwest, it crept in again. This meant that my hands and arms flared up almost literally. I had that burning sensation from my neuropathy as I woke up yesterday morning, and it's continued into today. I'm assuming it has something to do with the cold because that's when it seems worse. Yet my daily activities will go on....second, I had not had a haircut since December so I went for my very first hair cut in DC. One of the first things out of the stylist's mouth was "you have a lot of hair". I've been told this many times in my life, by several different stylists. I'm not sure if that's a good thing for them, but man does it feel good to know that it's coming in well. It's apparently so thick, that the stylist thinned it out in order for it lay and shape better. I supposed I better thank my dad's mother for all this hair. She had a full head until she died at 86. My hair is now also long enough to pull into a ponytail, albeit a very short one. Nevertheless, it's a pony, and I'm going with it. Now all I need is for it to be summer and all one length. That's what the stylist said so I hope he's right.

Anniversary of a Law

2011-03-24T08:08:00.003-05:00

The one year anniversary of the Affordable Care Act was yesterday, and I found myself wondering what would I be doing if that landmark legislation never became law of the land. This week I've had a bit of a respiratory infection that's bogged me down and made me want to curl up and sleep all the time. But now that I'm insured of my own accord thanks to forward thinking policymakers, I went to the doctor without having to worry about what it will set me back. Don't get me wrong, my policy is far from perfect, and it limits the doctors I can see and the geographic boundaries for which I can live within. Yet if the ACA never became law, would I have the insurance that I enjoy today? I'm hoping things will continue to progress in the states with health care changes so that in the future, I'm free to live wherever I so choose and not have to worry about being covered by health insurance.

Familiarities and Friends

2011-03-11T06:51:00.003-06:00

In another irony or shall I say coincidence from my new locale in cancerville, I had a woman approach me in the waiting room. When I moved to DC, I started to reach out to the local young women's groups in order to meet other women in similar shoes, but also to find women and seek their opinions on health care professionals in the area. I had been meeting with one particular group on a monthly basis, and one woman had come only a couple times because she commuted in from Baltimore. Low and behold, the woman approaching me in the waiting room was that very same gal from the monthly group. There was a sense of comfort, knowing I had made a good choice, seeing a familiar face among all the older faces staring at me like I had the plague. It reminded me a bit of "home", also known as UIHC, where I had gotten used to the same faces, familiarities, and surroundings. We had a nice conversation prior to her appointment and have since seen each other at a "monthly meeting". I think this decision is going to work out.

"Farming" People Out

2011-03-06T09:33:00.003-06:00

It turns out that starting a new chapter in cancerville was easier that I thought it would be. I was slightly annoyed with the fact that I waited for 45 minutes past my appointment, but once I met the doctor, I was pleasantly surprised. In all things coincidental, she happened to grow up in none other than my home state of Iowa. So we had a good little chuckle about the fact that Iowans are everywhere but there. The state has a tendency to "farm" people out to other places. Needless to say, I'm overall satisfied with the transition to a new facility and doctor, and now begins my east coast cancerville plan. More on that in another post.

Stay the Course

2011-02-27T15:19:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow's the day that I start a new chapter in cancerville with a new doctor and new facility. I'm on the fence as to how I should feel about this. When I made my move to the east coast, I was confident; when I took my job, I was confident; and when I whittled down my choices for care the first time, I was confident. When I made my choice to transfer care and make appointments at Hopkins, I was confident. Yet now as the actual appointment creeps up on me, I'm not sure I'm as confident. Change can be good and change can bring about new experience. However, this is a life choice, and I just want to make sure it's the right one. I know that when I do things, I usually do them with a vengeance and not very often look back. Maybe I just need a pep talk the night before, and as the famous words go, "stay the course".

Three-Fer

2011-02-08T15:11:00.004-06:00

I made it to the PCP, got my referral and made my next phone call. It's official that I have requested my care transferred to Johns Hopkins hospital. After talking with the intake coordinator today, I'm on the books to see my new oncologist. And it's interesting to note that she is a three-fer, and by that, I mean that she is a medical oncologist for breasts, a gynecology oncologist for my ovaries, and has clinical research in genetics for my BRCA. What more could I ask for? Ok I could ask for a non-defective boob, but this is a close second. I guess I'm going to have to come up with a fancy acronym for her, but I may wait to get a feel for the personality first. I can't wait to meet this person, and give her a full flair of me. But it's also sad to say goodbye to UIHC since they took such great care of me.

Did the Groundhog help my Shadow Direction

2011-02-02T16:11:00.004-06:00

Did the groundhog see his shadow today? This I don't have the answer to because I didn't pay attention, but it did remind me that certain reminders in life are worth making sure they don't fall off the map. Therefore in two short days, I will be on my way to a new set of cancerville docs via my appointment with my newly approved PCP. I'm hopeful that at this meeting of health minds, the PCP as the doctor, me as the professional cancerville patient, that we come to a conclusion on exactly where I'll go for my follow up care. Yet I should say that I pretty much have a good direction in mind, and it feels like it's pointing northeast. So I didn't get the recap of the shadow's direction, but I do have mine well underway.

First Step to a PCP

2011-01-29T20:25:00.002-06:00

I've taken the first step to doctor shopping in my new locale. Well I guess it's not the first step. I have been talking with other women since I landed about their experiences with certain facilities and physicians. Yet no one led me to any one set of conclusions about where I wanted to go or what doctor's I wanted to pursue for my follow up care at this point in time. We know I'm insured so that's no longer an issue. I just have to make sure that I go to an approved provider. Therefore when I say I've taken my first step, I mean that I'm going to my chosen primary care provider to get my referrals. The first step in the process was choosing a PCP, and that I have accomplished. Now it's on to the appointment and ensuing discussion to make my way to east coast oncology-land.

Listen and Take Control

2011-01-23T15:59:00.002-06:00

A few days after being diagnosed, I was given a video to watch. It was about a woman who was diagnosed ironically at the same age as me, 30, with a rare form of cancer that was already in stage 4. She went on to write books, shoot the video, and do speaking engagements. I had the opportunity to listen to her speak yesterday and hear about her new book only to be disappointed by how self-centered and self-help the whole shit went down. Of course a video never truly reveals a person as a whole, but when I was in that room of a majority of women, listening to how I needed to change my life, my diet, and generally my demeanor, I felt compelled to give an eye roll and leave. Then the questions started from the audience, and over and over I heard, that this woman changed everyone's lives. Well I watched the video, read the books, and I have to say that while I found them rather amusing and somewhat helpful for a few of my struggles, i.e. young diagnosis syndrome, I don't think it changed my life. I am the person to change my life, and I took control of my health care, personally and professionally. I get that people need a connection and need to find some deeper meaning, but I really felt like reality was not on the forefront yesterday. However, I wish this woman luck and success with what she is setting out to achieve.

Movin' on Up to the East Side of Insured

2011-01-18T20:37:00.004-06:00

Today marks a new beginning for me as I officially started a new job. I'm still working in the health policy field, but the best part is that this job has health insurance no less. Yes as of January 1, I'm officially insured with regular coverage that the rest of the general population can access. It took a bit of digging to find this insurance and make the work situation plausible, but nevertheless, it worked out. I didn't get my letter and coverage card until a week ago, but who cares, it's insurance. The funny thing is that had I not moved to Washington, DC this insurance would never be available to me. It's only accessible if you're a DC resident, which I just made official by accepting this job and changing over all my records. Now all I need to do is go get a referral to make my next round of appointments here in the metro area come March. Things are movin' on up to the east side, and by that I mean the east coast. I'm sure the Jeffersons would appreciate.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T12:56:00.002-06:00

Happy New Year! It is with pleasure that I can effectively say that I kept my new year's resolution from last year; keeping cancer out of cancerville. I'm very happy to report that, and I really think that it should be my resolution every year. I realize there are some factors beyond my control, but at this point, I can do everything within my control to insure that I'm golden. Here's to a disease free 2011.

Back in Business

2010-12-16T11:28:00.003-06:00

My two day stretch is over and this happens to be my 400th post. In celebration of that, I want to say that I received a clean bill of health, minus my low white blood count. Happy holidays to me and my boobies. They are back in business, what business I don't know, maybe tree ornaments or something. I mean they are a similar shape. So now I just need to work on the blood count and stay healthy! Yesssss!!!!!!!!

The Full Monty

2010-12-12T08:39:00.003-06:00

The snow has passed, and it's time to move on to warmer, fuzzier subjects. Yep a warmer, fuzzier subject called cancerville. I know, I know, it's just rainbows and butterflies right? But in just two short days, I'll be en route to my cancerville destination of choice, UIHC. Earlier this fall, it seemed like an eternity away, especially with all the insurance debacles, worry and chaos. Yet that's another story for another day. I think I need to focus a bit on the impending appointments, all seven of them. The full monty of cancer check-ups is about to commence, and I need to be on top of my game on Tuesday.

Holiday Partying in Cancerville

2010-12-06T08:52:00.003-06:00

December is full of all sorts of holiday festivities. This is the time when schedules become hectic and frantic, but it's not always a bad thing. For instance, I am fortunate this year to have too many invites and have to turn some down. Yet I didn't turn down three invitations that all happened on the same day, two involving cancerville. It has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions lately that I am involved in almost all things cancerville. And why not if I can make a difference right? I fall into many categories in cancerville, and I hope to use that for good. Therefore, on Saturday I was invited to a holiday party involving women who carry the genetic mutation yet may or may not have had cancer and another party for young survivors of all breast cancer kinds. Then as just a side bar, I was able to go to the White House holiday open house, which was equally a beautiful event. My day was very fulfilling, and I wish that for everyone's holiday season.

Festive Cheer

2010-12-02T14:14:00.003-06:00

'Tis the holiday season, and I couldn't be happier for all the festive cheer. There's always something magical about the holidays, when people seem to be entranced with the smell of spruce and twinkling lights. I know that I am caught up in the moment as I even put up icicle lights colored like candy canes. This nostalgia of sorts made me forget for a moment that cancerville was part of my life. Funny how a little bit of cheer does that.

Hello December

2010-12-01T13:03:00.002-06:00

Hello December, it's been awhile. Just shy of one year ago, I had surgery to remove what was a really annoying problem with my breast. Yet here I am a few short months later, looking to go to a one year post-surgery check up and other follow ups for that matter. Yes I have them all lined up for two fun-filled days mid-month of body poking, scanning, touching, and looking. Which if I didn't know what I was talking about may sound like a lot of dating scenarios, but this is not as much banter. I even had a dream about it last night. The dream gave me the green light, but there was hesitation. Not sure how I feel about that. Anyhow, bring on December.

Thankfulness

2010-11-23T19:57:00.002-06:00

With Turkey Day only a few days away, I shouldn't jump the gun on my thankfulness. But as I've expressed before, I love an excuse to eat some of the things I love most, like cranberry sauce and sweet rolls. There are many things to be thankful for this week besides food. First and foremost, I'm thankful to the entire process that has allowed me to be where I am at this moment. That includes my friends, family, medical staff, cancer community, colleagues, acquaintances, and everything in between that got me here. Savor the food, enjoy the company, and most of all be thankful because I know I sure am.

Video Participation and Human Tear Ducts

2010-11-20T07:51:00.003-06:00

Today I did my part for the future young generations of cancerville. Ok well not really "my part" per se, more like a contribution. Nevertheless, I participated in a video session that will hopefully pay it forward. The goal was multi-pronged though because the organization putting together the video session really had the survivors healing process in mind. Participants were given the option to have their story put on video in order for the person to be able to express themselves with the goal of aiding in the process of healing. Additionally, the participants had the option to allow for their video to be put on the organization's website for others to see, but also for the video to be part of a montage to be posted in numerous places, i.e. docs, clinics, other orgs, and of course the internets. The idea would be that this will connect other young patients or at least let them know they're not alone. So I was frank about my story, giving a usual Devin-style blunt version, but a little bit of a softer side came out when I talked about the fact that it would have been a different experience in cancerville had my dad been around. Yep my friends, there is a softer side to me, and there were even a few tears involved at that point. And believe me, it's difficult for me to admit that I actually cry. I have human tear ducts after all:) Overall the experience was great knowing that I can be a part of helping those in the future.

Small World in Cancerville

2010-11-18T08:46:00.003-06:00

Last night I had the opportunity to schmooze with all the lovely supporters of boobs and other lady parts via The Hill. One of the cancer organizations held a legislative reception for survivors, previvors, medical professionals and interested parties. It was a good opportunity to meet some of the area professionals to "interview" them as potential candidates for my ongoing care, once I find insurance that is. Interestingly enough, I met a breast surgeon through a friend of mine who is going to undergo a prophylactic mastectomy, and low and behold she's from my home state. Yep she's an Iowan, educated at the University of Iowa Medical School. Out of all the things, the Iowa connection runs deep one way or another. Her sister even lived in my hometown for many years, how ironic. Needless to say, she might have just bumped herself up on the list of potentials. Nevermind the fact that she was fabulous! It's such a small world.

Swollen Glory

2010-11-14T16:35:00.002-06:00

About ten phone calls later, I finally found a clinic that would take me as a patient. It turns out that if you're uninsured, it's really hard finding a doctor's office to take you. Each clinic kept telling me to go to the emergency room for my ankle. Me being me, I did not think that my ankle, even in all its swollen glory, constituted an emergency. Never mind the fact that it puts an enormous burden on emergency rooms and our whole medical system that's functioning oh so optimally, no sarcasm intended! The irony is that these places wanted me to pay more for my care as an uninsured person who quite possibly may not pay the bill down the road due to cost, when I could have paid for an office visit and let the emergency rooms take actual emergencies, but what do I know. Anyhow, I went to a pay up front walk-in clinic that was sympathetic to the situation and only charged me for the office visit and x-ray. Thankfully my ankle is not broken, but it's a fairly bad sprain. And when I asked if I could play on it for our championship game, I frankly was asked by the doc, "do you want it to heal or not?". I suppose letting it heal would be best instead making it a long term problem. So I'm "taking it easy" for the next several days to let my ankle heal. Now if I could just fix the health care system.

My Ankle and Murphy's Law

2010-11-11T20:32:00.005-06:00

Out of all the less than smart things I could do is go and injure myself. In order to try to stay healthy, I lead a fairly active life, which basically equates to walking around most places, eating sort of healthy, doing things I like, but also playing a few sports now and then. Earlier this fall, I had the opportunity to join a volleyball league so I thought why not, I've played for many years. Well I've mentioned that I've been a bit fatigued and respiratory so I should know that I'm not at optimal levels. I'm not sure if my less than optimal levels or just a plain error led to my demise this week, but regardless, I done outdid myself with an injury. Yes it was a lovely sports display of self-preservation, reserved swearing and sheer embarrassment. Somehow, I managed to get out in front of a ball, went up to hit it, and then my legs just didn't want to work on the way down. This led to a rolled ankle and a rolling body; the body on purpose, the ankle not. I kept rolling in order to not let out any screams, and to get off the court so no one would step on me. Needless to say all I could think about lying on that floor was the fact that I didn't have health insurance so I said "don't call for help". A few minutes later, my co-players were dragging me off the floor and helped me ice it down. And here I am two days later still with a swollen, bruised, sore foot and ankle. What to do? On a side bar, it's been suggested to me to not stress and do fun things though. So I was doing fun things as I do love volleyball, but as Murphy's Law goes, if it's bound to happen, it will, right. Honestly all I can do is laugh at this point.

Vicious Cycle

2010-11-07T19:41:00.003-06:00

It has been almost a week since I last posted anything, which means a few things. One I haven't been sure where to really focus my energy. Two I'm frustrated that I can't seem to resolve some situations, i.e. insurance coverage. Three I can't seem to shake this whole respiratory, fatigue, yuckiness that I've had now for over a month. Let's start with one, I don't really have a lot of energy due to factors two and three. Whenever I'm stressed, I seem to be tired, but I may be tired from not feeling well. Yet in a cyclical way, the stress may be making me sick resulting in illness resulting in lack of focus or a combination thereof. All in all, I need to figure out this insurance coverage so I can go to the doctor to feel better. I can't go to the doctor though until I can figure out how to pay for it. Then I can focus on other things like having fun. Funny how all these things work together, what a vicious cycle.

Twigs and Berries

2010-11-02T21:20:00.002-05:00

Here we are November, welcome. I'm starting on month four of not having health coverage. When each month comes and goes, it feels a little bit more like I'm in an uncivilized nation where I can't access the very thing that I need the most for my health due to the oppression of the people. The job market is such that many of the jobs I want or am qualified for can't provide the coverage I need, and then there's the private market that won't provide it, at least until 2014. So that leaves me hanging out until my "time is up" to access something else. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be unpatriotic or commit treason. I am simply stating that for lack of access and cost in a civilized nation, it sure seems uncivilized. I wonder if I had joined a little tribe in the wilderness and led a twig and berry lifestyle with no major worries, would I have not had an illness and kept healthy? It seems many of those indigenous, tucked away peoples are fairly healthy, but again, what do I know.

Sanity and Stoobs

2010-10-31T09:30:00.003-05:00

Sanity has been restored through fear, and I found stoobs along the way. On my eternal pathway to figuring out my saneness or lack thereof, I journeyed to ask the Rally to restore me. Yet even though I was about 50 yards from the stage with the likes of the rest of the "special guests", I didn't quite feel myself restored. So my friends and I decided to take a detour after the event to have a libation and snack when we met a woman with stoobs. After bellying up to the bar and chatting for awhile, this woman commented on my shirt. Some people might recognize it as my trademark in cancerville, "Breasts Under Construction, Save the Boobs". Apparently she was fairly dialed in to my world because she came right out and asked how I was doing. I thought to myself, wow how intuitive, some might think it was just a funny shirt for a rather funny event. Yet she went on to tell me that she too was a victim of cancerville and had a mastectomy with flap reconstruction. So essentially she had a free tummy tuck and liposuction to deal with a rather not so freeing issue. Therefore, her daughter referred to her chest as a stoob: part stomach, part boob. As the conversation went on, she validated my decision by telling me that she has told her daughters not to quite jump on the bandwagon of cutting off body parts should they find themselves in the situation. That's why she chose a FLAP instead of implants, foreign objects weren't for her. I've been saying this for awhile, even though I could do with perkiness. Yet modern medicine is constantly evolving, and there is no way to say that there won't be a new pathway to keeping our own parts. All in all after this conversation, some part of my sanity had been restored albeit cancerville and not rally. Thank you stoob.

Number than Numb

2010-10-29T09:58:00.004-05:00

As long as I started the topic of issues this week, I'll just reiterate another issue. My hand numbness, tingling, burning sensation reared its ugly head the other to remind me that it has not gone away and may be here to stay. In the middle of the night was the most evident time that I had problems with my neuropathy in the past, and the middle of the night crept right up on me again. I woke up to some pain in my right hand telling me that there was probably no blood flow or anything flowing for that matter to it. My ring and pinkie fingers and the right side up to my wrist of my hand was number than numb. The numbness was so far in that it took several minutes and many movements to get it rocking. Even then the return of feeling didn't feel all that great, and I was up for awhile making sure that my hand eventually returned to some state of normalcy. And now today the weather has turned chilly so I'm reminded yet again that both my hands are affected not just the right hand, damned little finger, can I just chop them off?

Woman Business

2010-10-27T14:17:00.002-05:00

Looking forward, I want to try to mitigate a few issues that I'm still having. First, I just can't seem to shake this fatigue. There were several excuses I was making: moving, illness, job, weather, all because there were a few months where I felt pretty damned good with my energy. I'm not saying fabulous, but on the mend for sure. Now it's October, and I'm just beat. Everything is sluggish, and not the type of sluggish where the turtle beats the hare. This is full on fatigue telling me to do something, but I don't know what that something may be. Which brings me to my next issue, I strongly feel I may have the onset of actual menopause. It does happen to some younger women that were premenopausal prior to chemotherapy. I have the fatigue, the hot flashes, the sort of moodiness, the weird appetite, and I can't seem to shake these either. Could it be that menopause is causing my fatigue or am I just experiencing more hormone adjustments post treatment? I guess I'll find out in a few short months. Woman business is an annoying business.

Pink Honor Roll

2010-10-24T17:03:00.003-05:00

On the very day that the Race for the Cure was taking place in my home state, I received a letter in the mail that had a familiar symbol on it. That symbol is internationally known to represent the month coined as Breast Cancer Awareness month by the very same sponsor of the race, Susan G. Komen. It was difficult for me this year not to have participated in a race, whether it be in my former home state, my former southwestern home Las Vegas or my new home and surrounding areas. The timing was off for each place so I'm out of the loop. Yet when I opened my mail, it was a nice little uplifting moment for me to see the "Pink Honor Roll". Each year, the top 100 fundraisers are mentioned on the list and recognized at the race. I thought, oh well isn't that lovely, but then I saw my name at number 18. Really I had to look this over a few times to make sure that it wasn't a hoax or a mistake, but it was a fact that I was the number 18 top fundraiser for the previous year leading up to this race. How nice to cap off the year of not participating with a reminder that I have some staying power in the "pink ribbon" world. I hadn't made an honor roll since grad school. Bring it on next year.

Black Hole of Insurance

2010-10-19T08:04:00.004-05:00

Now that I've entered the Black Hole of health insurance, I need to assess all aspects of the situation. Since the job offer can not cover my needs and there is no immediate solution, I've agreed to do some contract work for them for the time being and find a better solution down the road. It's not the ideal situation, and it's a major let down after being so excited that I was gainfully employed. However when it comes down to it, I have to look out for my own needs at this time. The first two years post-treatment are the most crucial for me, and I have to make tough decisions with that in mind. On the health insurance note, the high risk pool is still an option, but I confirmed I'm not eligible until February 1. Then there's the option of looking into grants or some other payment option so I can make my six month check up in December. I had originally thought I would be alright with the fact that I could wait until next year, but the bottom line is the research shows that making that decision is a bad idea. So logic and reason won out, and now I have to figure out my best option.

The Pink White House

2010-10-15T21:07:00.004-05:00

That house that sits so stately in the middle of the District with all the white paint on it decided to go pink in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month last night. It was a pretty cool sight to see The White House a different color. I know, I know it wasn't actually pink, but for one night only, I got to see the illumination of a pink White House. So some of my friends and I decided to take the opportunity to go and take photos. It was a lot of fun posing in front of a house that is known for its color taking on a temporary new meaning.

Boobies and Ovies Event

2010-10-14T10:09:00.002-05:00

Last night I was a co-host for an event in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. The organization called Be Bright Pink raises awareness for young women at high risk for breast and ovarian cancer, whether that be cancer that runs in the family or a genetic trait. Either way, Bright Pink is working their way through the ranks of young women at risk and educating them on all things boobies and ovies. I have to say the event was a success, and I was happy to be a part of it.

Marry for Health Care

2010-10-12T21:02:00.004-05:00

Keeping up on my life situations is almost a full-time job in itself. I know that the twists and turns of cancerville seem to be never ending, and believe me from my end, it is. With the situation as it currently is job wise, I'm back to the drawing board on what to do. I'll be doing work as a contractor at this point until something can be worked out whether that be going back to my plan to get in the high risk pool or a large group plan with another employer. I hate to think about this, but the reality is that health coverage drama is real. And that means putting in a lot of work on finding the right situation for myself. It was suggested to me that maybe I should get married for health insurance. Huh, if that were so easy, right? And me, marriage, ummm, not so much:)

Hunker Down

2010-10-09T14:55:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I was dealt a devastating setback regarding my new position. After going through the motions of checking on the health insurance and thinking that I'd be covered for a pre-existing condition, even though the plan requires a ridiculous out-of-pocket, it appears they aren't going to cover me for at least a six month waiting period anyhow. I guess I don't have to worry about coming up with the several thousand dollars. Instead I have to worry about what to do about appointments. It's not the company's fault, as they are a small business that had never had to deal with this situation before with an employee. They were told by their plan that pre-existing conditions were covered in the plan. What they were not told was that depending on the circumstance, there is a waiting period. In my case, it wasn't revealed until after you apply that they require a six month waiting period. This puts me in an interesting predicament since I'm the health policy person talking to small biz, state legislators and other organizations about covering employees, but I'm not covered. That puts me to April without insurance unless I figure out something else. So I really need to hunker down and decide how much of a slave to cancerville do I want to be? It's also a drastic reminder of how our health coverage system is in need of even more work.

Upper Respiratory Dysfunction

2010-10-06T18:58:00.003-05:00

It turns out that it wasn't lack of sleep or a silly cold that was making me not feel well. I had a real live upper respiratory infection, but of course, the lack of sleep, move across country, and start of a new job didn't help the illness. Oh and the fact that I waited until seven days after feeling crappy to go to a doctor. Thankfully one of my friends is an ear, nose, and throat doctor and agreed to see me before work. Now I'm fully loaded with anti-biotics and other mucus drying medication so I should be good to go in a few days. It's too bad that my nose didn't ride out the storm without getting sore. I guess it goes to show that maybe my immune system might not be back up and running full speed.

Seven Day Cold

2010-10-05T19:23:00.002-05:00

Two days of work haven't been bad. I was really worried about my stamina, but I should have been more worried about getting rid of this cold/respiratory thing I have going on. Starting a job in a fog doesn't bode well for ramping up. All in all the organization has been considerate about it though. I'm actually going to the doctor in the morning to check to make sure this doesn't turn into something worse than it is at the moment. It feels like a respiratory infection but considering my body is all out of wack, who knows what it may be. I have to wonder if my immune system is back up and running or if it's still fairly compromised. I think I'm going with compromised since this "cold" has been going on for seven days.

Cancerville Made Me Gray

2010-10-03T08:47:00.002-05:00

Now about that gray hair. Yes it's official, I noticed that I had a very brightly colored hair shining in the light one day right before returning to Iowa. This had happened to me before, but it always turned out that the hairs were really very lightly colored blonde hairs glistening in light. Yet this time was a bit different because the hair had a texture that I had not felt before. So when I went to get a haircut via my favorite stylist, she confirmed it. The hair was in fact gray, and a bit kinky in texture. So my little lone gray hair sits on the crown of my head right in the part. I suppose it was inevitable that this would happen someday, but I was planning on growing old gracefully or whatever the damned commercial says. I'm sure that's still possible, but I'm totally blaming cancerville for this gray.

Renegotiate?

2010-10-01T15:52:00.004-05:00

Ever have one of those days where it seems things are going alright until you're stopped in your tracks. Well today didn't start off that bad. I had my belongings unloaded in about an hour, which I'm not sure means much except I don't have many things to my name. Then I wanted to double, triple, and quadruple check on the health insurance coverage with my new job that I start Monday. After a few back and forths reading the policy that I was sent post acceptance, I had a hunch that I wasn't getting all the information needed to assess coverage for me. As it turns out, my intuition was correct. That's why I had it quadruple checked, and on the forth time, I was given the information that I have to meet a $2000 deductible, then another $4000 to meet a max out of pocket of $6000, but the coverage may also deem my cancer care services at UIHC above their coverage so I may have to pay 50% of those costs. I'm not sure about anyone else who's gone through cancer treatment, but I feel all I have is a gray hair. Why is it that a job that's a right fit in so many ways can come up short with the very benefit I need most? It's not like I made unhealthy choices that gave me a pre-existing condition; I drew the genetic short straw. Now I'm not sure what to do about the job because I'm looking forward to the actual work. Can I renegotiate after the fact?

Bed, Suits, and Underwear

2010-09-30T18:37:00.002-05:00

Not having a rear view mirror made no difference in the drive. I made it to my destination in about the same time as the drive two months ago. The difference: a bigger truck and a job. Letting the road guide me here probably proved to be a good decision. I had a job offer in a little over 6 weeks from arrival, which means the goal of getting my health care needs covered or at least mostly covered has been achieved. Now I have three days to unpack and get going. My plan is to get my bed ready to sleep in, pull out my suits and underwear, and call it good to go. Oh and maybe shower too!

Rear View Mirror and Guidance

2010-09-28T20:15:00.003-05:00

The truck is loaded, now all I have to do is get on the road. It should be two days of fun filled driving with myself and my belongings. I have to admit that there's some sense of relief knowing that I'm about to commence a new living and working chapter of my life. The part I'm not enjoying is 1000 miles, 17 hours, and no rear view mirror. I don't necessarily need a rear view mirror in the symbolic way but more so for the practical side of things. Oh well I'll just have to stay alert and let the road guide me. Isn't that what life is all about anyhow? Hmmm, I'm going to have to ponder this one a bit, guidance?

Insurance Plan Crash Course

2010-09-27T17:53:00.003-05:00

The countdown is on to starting the new job. As the countdown goes, so does preparing to work out all the kinks. In preparation of working out all those pesky details, I'm trying to figure out who is covered and who is not covered and how much it's going to cost me out of pocket to pay for my needs in cancerville. Of course health insurance plans aren't perfect, and the companies probably aren't looking at my individual needs in lieu of their bottom line. Therefore figuring out all the details of my plan has proven to be a little bit of a task since it's a different plan than I've ever had before. I'm sure glad that I've had the crash course in the last year or so in health policy and cancerville. I'll get it figured out and learn something along the way and hopefully before next Monday.

Thank You Iowa

2010-09-24T15:59:00.003-05:00

As part of wrapping things up before my new post-cancerville job, I did my civic duty today. Thank goodness for early voting and thank goodness for choices. Most of all, I'd like to say here you go Iowa, I'm repaying you with my vote on the candidates I feel would most likely take care of the next generation of Iowans who need it most, whether it be cancer patients, farmers, outdoor enthusiasts, snow loving crazies, stark raving lunatic nudists or really what have you. This is for the past several months of taking care of me while enduring a not so fun time in life. I'll leave you with that and off to make a difference in a new locale.

New. Newly, Newly

2010-09-23T12:47:00.001-05:00

I made to it the Midwest after a little hiatus for my job search. The travel was not without excitement however. First there was the medical emergency on the first leg of flying, then it was the screaming man and woman who needed to be escorted out of the airport because of course it was everyone else's fault they missed their flight, then it was the hour and a half delay for the connecting flight due to a missing pilot, then the push back tractor got stuck to the plane. So I started to question whether I really should be retrieving my belongings or not. Was this a sign to ditch the effort or hurry the hell up and get out? In the midst of the whole the thing, I noticed my heat rash had come back on my arm, but I was sitting next to a nurse that told me it looked superficial and not to worry. Ok fine, I'll get it officially check out soon enough. Maybe I should blame that on the airline and everyone else too, no sarcasm intended. What I really need to do is round up my belongings and drive again to the east coast. And how I really wish there were an easy button for driving, Star Trek really was ahead of its time in this regard. Well it will all be a matter a moments anyhow, and I'll be in a new routine, newly employed, and newly insured.

Phewwww!

2010-09-21T20:44:00.003-05:00

Today I officially accepted the position I was offered working on health care policy for an association that represents small businesses. It will be a great opportunity to utilize my expertise in the policy field and cover my health care needs. Isn't it funny how a personal journey can turn into a profession? I think this is one that I can live with and always stay on my toes both professionally and with my own health. I feel for my doctors, I really do. Now I have a little over a week to retrieve the rest of my belongings in storage and move into my new digs. Phewwwww I can't believe it only took a few weeks longer than my anticipated one month timeline to find a job in my new city. It was the right move!

Crossing my T's and Dotting my I's

2010-09-18T17:49:00.003-05:00

After I got my little irritation out in the open yesterday, it turned out to be a much better day. Yesterday was my 48th day without health insurance and much to my pleasure, I'm happy to report I have a job offer on the table that provides benefits. Now of course, I need to dot my 'i's and cross my 't's to make sure the benefits will cover me since it's kind of a big deal. I'll be doing my due diligence over the next couple of days and making my decision from there. Could I really be on the road to employment and on health care policy no less?

Conversations Not Interrogations

2010-09-17T09:50:00.003-05:00

While I'm on the subject of hereditary cancer this week, I thought I would bring up a topic that really has started to irk me. First I want to preface this with the fact that I know every person's experience is personal, and I hope that people do not take their decisions lightly. However...I have found that the more I interact with women who have hereditary breast cancer, more specifically the breast cancer gene, the more I feel judged. It's not the case with every woman with the gene, but more often than not. For instance, once I tell women that have undergone prophylactic mastectomies that I chose a lumpectomy, I see the terror in their eyes. Then it moves to "do you know your risk"? Well as a matter of fact, I do know my risk thank you very much. Furthermore, I am very well versed in it and did not make my decision recklessly. It was actually very calculated and intense. Under the appropriate surveillance, I have the same probability to live as those who choose the mastectomy. I just have to be vigilant. I've been so worked up over this issue this week that I decided to read about the reports on prophylactic mastectomies "saving lives" and came across a statement in the NCI Journal saying that most women who choose not to have the prophylactic are not educated enough on the subject. That's where I really was sent reeling with rage on the issue. Basically they told me I'm dumb and made the wrong decision. How very brazen of our American medical community to put that statement out there. I feel as Americans we have become a society of "fix it now" without regard to the larger umbrella that some things take time and many things are ever evolving. There just may come a day where my genetic mutation can be fixed without cutting off my body parts. With my little rant off my "chest", I still want to say that I respect other women's decisions, I just don't have to agree with it and please don't impose on me. Let's have constructive conversations, not interrogations.

Dirty Minds

2010-09-16T10:54:00.003-05:00

I can't resist putting up another post today based on my last post about being on the hill. If anyone follows the elected officials in Congress, one would know that the majority of the people are probably in the over 50 crowd. Which makes me chuckle a bit that here's all these older "suits", and mostly men at that, talking about private body parts in the name of cancer. In their generation, it was somewhat passe to mention boobs, butts, vaginas, ovaries, etc, but now it seems things have moved past that in the name of health. It makes me wonder, what is really going through the minds of these older politicos?

The Hill and Boobs

2010-09-16T10:46:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit in on debate on "The Hill", yes that one hill where the powerful players of Washington sit and make laws. The laws us citizens abide by on a daily basis. Yet this was for more of a landmark educational and advocacy issue in the form of a resolution. HR 1522 passed on an unanimous vote, and it establishes the National Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer week as the last week of September and one day as National Previvor Day. Now of course, I'm technically not a previvor since I've had cancer. However, I do have hereditary cancer and any other steps I take to prevent cancer could be considered previving. So I'm saying that this bill does represent me and any other people who are at risk of hereditary cancer. I just hope that people do their homework and know what this means. What a great way to round out the month of September leading into October, the month of boobs!

Interviews and Check-ups

2010-09-13T17:48:00.003-05:00

Two last minute interviews later, I feel like I'm getting closer to a job. It never hurts not to burn bridges because these interviews were both through connections, one from my policy experience and the other from a previous organization that I had interviewed with but went with another candidate. One of the interviews was Friday, and the other today. I guess it pays to check email and voicemail on a last minute basis. The underlying message though is that I may be that much closer to becoming insured again. It's now been 43 days of being uninsured, and I'm not feeling like it's a good place to be. A check-up in the near future would probably be a good thing, right?

Cancer Slut

2010-09-09T11:24:00.003-05:00

This week is apparently my cancer connection week. Everyday since Tuesday I've been meeting with cancer connected gals or groups for various activities. First it was a baseball game with previvors, then a development meeting to kick off the Young Survivor DC chapter, and today I'm going to shape young minds. I know what were they thinking?! Since I've started to get more involved with formal groups related to young women and cancer, the opportunities to make a difference have just been presenting themselves. So after last night's very productive meeting where a group of us put together an affiliate application for the YSC chapter, I know embark on targeting the even younger crowd, college students. Yep I'm headed over to the University of Maryland to talk about the topic I so enjoy most, cancer and young women. I'll have reinforcements though as two other groovy gals from YSC are joining me. Last night I even coined myself the "cancer slut" because I'm making the rounds. It's probably not PC, but whatever works in this shitty business of cancer.

Like Missing a School Day

2010-09-07T07:55:00.002-05:00

Now that Labor Day is over and workers have celebrated their "labors", I'm hoping the doors to more labor will open. I mean organizations had a day to rest, relax and clear their minds so that they can get a grip on their hiring needs. And when I say hiring needs, I mean me:) In all seriousness though, I'm still waiting to hear from one job that I interviewed for three weeks ago. They were to do second round interviews the "first few weeks" of September. I'm thinking that no news is probably bad news in this case as opposed to the real world application of the saying. Nevertheless, I'm going to keep on trucking because I'm well into my second month now of no insurance. And I'm pretty sure my doctors won't be too happy about me going too far beyond the recommendation of follow-up appointments. You know those days I missed last week; it was like missing a school day almost. I feel bad about it, but there's not much I could do otherwise to meet my needs.

Runner Up

2010-09-01T14:40:00.003-05:00

Day two of appointments that I'm missing at UIHC, and the start to a new month. This will be month two no insurance. And how fitting that I got a call this morning that yet another job came down to me and another person, but they ultimately went with the other person. What a start to a new month? There's not a damned thing I can do about it though because the reasons are legitimate, and I can't compete with someone having more experience than I on certain things. This means that it wasn't what I was meant to do, and that my break is just around the corner, right. I still have to circle back around to the insurance thing though and know that I have to do something about this. Triple negative and BRCA have the most recurrence rates within the first two years. Yes the situation is frustrating, and yes I'm impatient, and yes I hate being second best! One of these times, I'll be THE BEST though and someone else will be runner up.

No Appointments for Me

2010-08-31T10:19:00.004-05:00

As I round out August, I've gone 31 days without health insurance. Yes one whole month of living with risk in more ways than one. I guess it's one month down to the six month wait for the high risk pool if I end up having to go that route. But more importantly, I should be on my way to two days of follow up appointments today. Yet since I'm sitting here writing instead of on a plane, in a car or other form of transportation to UIHC, it's fairly evident that I will not be attending my three month check-up. Unless I had magically come up with disposable income or snapped my fingers for a job with health insurance, I made the decision to forego the appointments. I know it's not exactly the smartest thing to do health wise, but not compounding my living situation in many ways by not racking up medical debt was a pseudo-smart decision. There really was no right way to approach this issue at this point, but the decision has been made and there will be no doctor's visit today or tomorrow.

Hiking, Camping, Socializing

2010-08-26T13:49:00.002-05:00

I like to incorporate fun into the doldrums of life so that's exactly what I'm going to do for the next few days. Since my move, one of my very best friends that I've known since we were barely able to walk lives a few short hours away from me in the mountains. Therefore, she decided for me that I would come to her place to go hiking and camping with a little bit of socializing along the way. It's a good reprieve from beating the job path and reality. I just hope that my heat rash decides to stay under control. If not, there's a cream for that.

Back to the Heat (Rash)

2010-08-25T07:32:00.002-05:00

One thing I haven't mentioned with my move to the swamp-like weather locale is a change in my body. Many people have asked how I'm feeling, and I have to admit, I am tired. The mixture of change, the sweltering heat, and body that probably isn't quite to par has just made me feel off. And when I say off, I'm talking physically people, not mentally, at least right now anyhow. I noticed that when I moved, I was fairly tired, but I had felt fatigued for quite some time. Darn treatment after effects! Then as the weather decided to stay hot and humid, I thought I was getting the flu. It turns out it was just the heat dragging me down causing slight dizziness and nausea, and I was plain, old tired on top of it. Then my arm decided to get heat rash that has been sticking around for about a week, letting up at points but definitely not completely going away. I guess it was nice to have a small reprieve yesterday with 70 degree weather but back to the heat the rest of the week.

Closer to Fine

2010-08-23T10:59:00.004-05:00

The interview really had me baffled because I walked away thinking that I had not done the greatest. There were a few friendly faces on the panel, a few that were neutral, and then a person who made it a point to let me know that I had not answered a few questions the way he wanted me to. I wasn't quite sure how to take that during the interview, but then when I came home to check my email, there was the hiring manager's name. Was I really getting the boot already? No they wanted my references as they had narrowed it down to a few people after I left their offices. Sweet surrender, maybe they just wanted to see how well I dealt with pressure, and I passed. I immediately sent my references and am now playing the waiting game. As the Indigo Girls said I'm "closer to fine", ok maybe just to health insurance?

Life is a Curve Ball Anyhow

2010-08-22T13:58:00.002-05:00

It's hard to imagine that it's been thirteen years ago today that my dad died. Looking over all the things that have happened in those years, I have to say that it might have been beneficial to have him around over the last year or so. The lack of being able to communicate with the person (and other persons for that matter on his side) that we have a genetic mutation that causes cancer is somewhat discouraging. However, yesterday I had the opportunity to meet up with another group of young women where the focus is on hereditary breast and ovarian cancer and awareness of the issue. That's where I met another gal who inherited the gene from her dad too. It was interesting talking with her about the experience while kayaking on the Potomac, and equally interesting knowing that her and I have taken two very different paths on the experience. Her dad is still living; she has not had cancer; and she is opting for a preventative mastectomy at 23 years old. I have to wonder had I known what I know now or been able to talk with my family about it, would I have chosen differently? Well probably not, but it is worth exploring an analysis and definitely worth the memory of my dad today, especially since Tuesday he'd have been 55 years old. What is life, but a curve ball anyhow?

Job Psychosis Hell

2010-08-19T17:15:00.002-05:00

I am in job search and interview psychosis hell. The vicious cycle of my needs are driving me nuts today. Originally when I started treatment, I told myself I'd take a lovely vacation when I was done. Well that didn't exactly turn out how I'd hoped as I found myself needing health insurance and income a little more than hemorrhaging my bank account more than I have already done. I know that I took a few little trips throughout the whole process, but those were more like mini-breaks to keep me sane. Now as I prepare for my Monday interview, I find my mind wandering toward a vacation more than wanting to prepare. I knew that the types of jobs I'd be interviewing for would require a good deal of preparation as I need to have expert knowledge on the policy areas, but a lovely, sunny, relaxing, beachy destination sounds like a much more amenable plan than writing a job strategy for my interview. What to do, what to do? I better snap out of this over the weekend, huh?

Necessary Evils

2010-08-18T17:32:00.003-05:00

My state policy experience is said to be a plus in a city full of federal policy wonks. Or this is what I'm to take away from my interview today as apparently I'm very ambitious for moving across the country for one but even more so trying to edge out the competition with state experience rather than federal. Which I guess I can take this as having a leg up when any state side jobs come along, and I want to apply. All in all though I think the interview went well, and I'm feeling a little more than 50/50 this time. I'm one out of about five to be interviewed, which should give me some confidence, and then two will make it to the next round, which I'll find out in the next few weeks. I have a few more interviews lined up though so I'll see where the whole process takes me. I have my eye on the end goal though: job, income, INSURANCE. Necessary evils that they are, grrr!

Meet-ups and Preps

2010-08-17T16:29:00.004-05:00

I needed to take a few moments to vet my thoughts amongst the madness of interview preparations. This morning I met with a coordinator from one of the hereditary breast cancer organizations that is nationwide but has a local chapter. It was great to pick her brain, network and meet up. The organization specifically deals with women who test positive for the BRCA gene and the challenges that presents. With that said, I wanted to get more involved, which was a challenge in itself in the Midwest, but I also wanted to connect up so I find the right health care team for myself in the DC area. All in all it was a productive, informational, and new friend making (is this even a saying) meeting. I think I'm on track to find a health care facility that meets my needs, of course when I get insurance again. Day 17 uninsured, but that could change here in the next few weeks after all these interviews:)

Is One "The One"

2010-08-13T11:31:00.002-05:00

No sooner had I submitted my application for yet another position did I get a call for an interview. The interview is less than a week away too so another job on the fast track. I had heard about said job through a mutual acquaintance that put me in touch with the hiring director, but it was looking as if they were going to take awhile to post the job. Therefore I had somewhat put it off, but I guess the hiring wheels turn in funny ways sometimes. I just needed to be patient. So now I have two interviews to prepare for within a week of each other. I hope one of them is "the one".

Scotch Tape or Garlic

2010-08-12T16:18:00.002-05:00

Not too worry, I've looked up some home remedies on those pesky little bug bites. I'm not having it, even if it does prove that I'm getting feeling back in my hands. Apparently different vitamins, skin so soft, vinegar, and even garlic can ward off the bugs. After all they are attracted to the carbon dioxide so if it's nasty or filled with something the bug doesn't want, they won't bite right. If they do bite though, I can rest be assured that I can put scotch tape or rub a bar of soap over it to keep the itch away. I guess I'll try what I can at this point since my legs look like an attack of the bugs.

Spider Queen, Mosquitoes and Pinkie's

2010-08-11T22:12:00.003-05:00

My theory that bugs shouldn't like me because of all the chemicals running through my veins really is not as scientific as I'd like it to be. I had thought that especially mosquitoes, blood suckers that they are, would stay the hell away. Alas, that is not the case. The bug attraction this year started when I noticed that spiders were flocking to me at home, making me think I might have been the spider queen in a former life. Now it's the damned mosquitoes eating me up at any occasion, even with bug spray on. I'm going to have to take drastic measures on this, but there is an upside. I noticed on my right hand pinkie finger that I actually felt the itch from the bite. I have no idea when I was really attacked, but the important thing is that I felt something. The tingling still exists, and I can't feel other things. But this progress on the neuropathy, right?

Backfires and Beaches

2010-08-07T15:45:00.003-05:00

Four interviews and several people later, it came down to me and one other person. I hate to say this, but I did not get the job. I feel like putting things out in the universe sometimes backfires as I feel it may have happened in this case. I know all I said was I was in the interview process but getting hopes up and not having it pan out all the while people are experiencing it with me, makes it more tough. Oh well, at least I found out on the day that I got to experience the lovely Delaware beaches courtesy of some friends so that made the day suck less:) Yet the countdown continues of day 7 uninsured. We'll see if I make it to my three month check-up at the end of the month.

Shaping UP

2010-08-04T15:54:00.002-05:00

It turns out that this is just the move I needed as things are shaping up nicely. Not only did I have yet a fourth interview with the same organization today, I got a call for another unrelated interview yet this month. So it seems I've landed FINALLY in the right place. Funny how things work out that way. And to put the cancerville spin on it, in just two business working days, I've managed to get in contact with two of the predominate breast cancer organizations that work with younger women and have a foot in the door to get involved. It helps too that they can help me shop around for my new medical team here. Another opinion never hurts when shopping around for doctors who fit my needs in cancerville.

City Amusement

2010-08-02T17:34:00.003-05:00

I know I alluded to the fact that I may wait out my six months for health insurance, which is a complete gamble, but this is my life post cancerville treatments. I think that finding, having, and staying covered will be a pain for a few years. This all the while trying to find housing and jobs. So speaking of that, I had my third interview today. I'm not sure how well it went as I have the same iffy feeling that I had after my second interview with the CEO. I guess only time will tell, and I keep beating the path in my new city life. And as for city life, one I the things I love the best is I never know what I'm going to see. I know this is a tourist town and just as transient as my former life in Vegas, but really the things I get to see never cease to amaze me. Two things today just made me stop and go "huh". First I saw a family in Union Station taking pictures of the old white men getting their shoes shined. Then on my drive back on the parkway, I saw a coupled pulled over taking pictures of the state trooper and accident that had just happened, holding up traffic on the opposite side of the accident. I mean really is this stuff that interesting when there are cultural amenities a plenty. Oh how I love city amusement.

I Have Arrived

2010-08-01T18:25:00.002-05:00

Hello August 1, you are now uninsured. At midnight, I officially joined the world of the uninsured AGAIN. Great strides were made in the world of health insurance, but I still managed to find the crack. Go figure! It's not really a fun place to be considering my health over the past year, but what do I do. Well I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I made it to my destination: Washington DC of course. I'm sure many people already guessed that and some knew so I apologize for the drawn out speculation. The stars just may align for me in the city where policy runs deep and so does something else for that matter. However I'm here two days of driving later and with a day to spare before my interview. An interview that will hopefully change my insurance life, but we'll see what the package entails. My other option is risky, and that would be to wait out my six months before I can join the high risk pool. I mean if anyone else were in my shoes, I challenge them to ask themselves what they would do.

Drive Carefully, Third Interview Awaits

2010-07-29T17:33:00.003-05:00

The anticipation continues of the impending move and cut off from insurance. Yet I'm still going through with it. Tomorrow marks the start of my big drive, but not before I found out that I'm going to have yet a third interview with the same company. This time I get to meet people in person. So I have to drive carefully, clear my mind for the meeting and prepare to put my best foot forward. I'll check in soon.

Upper Left Side or Upper Right Side

2010-07-28T13:52:00.003-05:00

Well I made it past the interview with the CEO but not before I popped another cold sore. What? Yes apparently with the anticipation of moving, interviewing in the process, and all things in between my body doesn't want to quite let go of the virus. So the cold sore changed locations on me from the upper left side of my lip to the upper right side. This is not Manhattan so I don't know what it's thinking. My skin real estate is not that valuable.

Game Show Contestant

2010-07-25T19:52:00.002-05:00

I wanted to share some really important news, but my Internet was down for four days. Finally some phone calls had to be made about that to get it resolved, and here I am, back online. The important news is that I had a last minute phone interview for a job I had sent my resume to three days prior. Yep late Thursday I had received an email via my smart phone asking if I could do a phone interview on Friday or Monday. Well since it was too late to talk to the person Thursday night, I tried calling Friday morning. I left a message and didn't hear back by mid-afternoon so I emailed with my availability. Low and behold the person could do the phone interview yet that day and called in 45 minutes after my email. It was a good interview, and I get to move on to the next round. I almost feel like a game show contestant.

Back Up Plan, Vegas Baby.

2010-07-21T22:06:00.002-05:00

With the knowledge of knowing that I will not have continued health care coverage, I started putting the push on for a job with health insurance. I know that there are jobs to be had, but I need to go to a market where my experience, education and skills are highly marketable. Since I've sent out more resumes than I can count in the Midwest and not received a certifiable interview, I'm pretty sure that it's not going to happen for me anywhere near the vicinity. Casually I had put out a nationwide search for jobs in policy research or the like. This is all over the span of the year or so since I've not worked full-time. But since it's down to the wire now, I've started utilizing my outside network, got more focused, and have had a few hits in one locale especially. That's where I'll be, but I don't want to put the finality on it here just in case. I still have a bit of a feeling that I have bad karma and don't want to jinx it. And of course, there's always the back up plan, Vegas baby!

Fast Forward

2010-07-20T12:50:00.003-05:00

Well now that I've calmed down from yesterday, I'll start back to the story of why I need to move. Remember that I was granted a waiver for the Early Detection Program last year to cover my breast cancer health care? The time has come for them to reassess if I'm still eligible, and as it turns out, I wanted to know sooner rather than later so I called. Since I was pulled from the clinical trial and not receiving any injections and not eligible for the chemo pill, herceptin or any other preventative drug, that also makes me ineligible for coverage in the program until I find other coverage. Therefore, I will be dropped July 31 from my coverage. I understand that programs such as this are meant as a last resort, but until I find group insurance, this is last resort. Right now I'm not eligible for IowaCare because of the cliff effect; not eligible for high risk yet because I haven't been without coverage for a continuous six month gap; and private markets can still discriminate until 2014 on pre-existing conditions when it comes to adults. Can we fast forward?

Does Outside Mean Inside?

2010-07-19T16:41:00.004-05:00

Today was equally interesting with my current soon to be former living situation. As I mentioned, it's on the outskirts of town and in a development area. So there's bound to be activity nearby, especially since things are picking up on the development. Yet there are just some things a person doesn't expect when workers are constantly present. For instance, if workers are supposed to be charged with a task, one would assume they are going to do that task, right? Wrong? I guess when people are working in an area that they may not be familiar with, curiosity kills the cat. In this case, a particular worker was lucky I didn't kill the cat. When this worker was asked to come assess the outside, yes outside of the house to get an estimate on painting, he took that as "hey check out the house and feel free to just go right through the front door". In no way, shape, or form does OUTSIDE mean inside when it comes to exterior painting. Yet to give this guy some credit, I apparently had left the door unlocked after letting the dog out. Silly me, I should have anticipated someone barging in through my front door. I mean seriously, what is with people being so damned nosey around here. Is it a regional thing, is it a smaller town thing, is it a cultural thing, I just can't put a finger on it? And this isn't the first time people have tried to come in with me home while they were supposed to be doing something else. The difference is that I had the door locked the other times. I can only wonder who tries to get in while I'm not here. Thankfully I'm getting the hell out of dodge soon.

"Dry Out" that Feeling

2010-07-16T18:11:00.003-05:00

I noticed Thursday that I had an unwanted feeling that I had not had for awhile. This feeling was a tingling on my skin coupled with a burning/itching feeling. I know this sounds more like a commercial for a feminine hoo (my word for vag) problem, but it's not. You see I had this pimple pop up on the skin right where my lip starts just under the nose. I thought it would be harmless and not cause me any problems since I started putting zit killer cream on it right away. But no, the "feeling" started. I have these feelings when the impending doom of a cold sore is coming on. Usually I can ward it off from becoming too much of a problem like when I was a child, and they would spread across my face. However I wasn't at home when I felt this feeling, and it was hotter than blazes. I'm pretty sure that the combination of having a compromised immune system over the last year and the humid climate and the stress of moving gave me the perfect trifecta of events to create a cold sore. I really hadn't had many cold sores over the past few years and having lived in a dry climate previously, it had all but dried up (no pun intended). I guess it was bound to happen at some point, I just wasn't ready for it. This means I need to go "dry out" somewhere.

Opportunities for Health and Living

2010-07-15T16:59:00.002-05:00

Continuing with the city note, I'll be sharing bits and pieces of my impending move. Yes I said move. Remember I visited a swampy area awhile ago looking for a full-time gig with benefits since I'm losing my health coverage yet again in just a few weeks. So this is the precursor to letting everyone know that I will be moving at the end of the month to pursue not only job opportunities, but a chance to cover my health care needs and make sure I make it to follow up appointments. With that, all I'll say right now is insurance is still the "devil", and even though strides were made this year, it's still going to take time to fix all the cracks.

City is for Living

2010-07-14T09:24:00.004-05:00

Last night was interesting. In addition to the heat starting to swell upwards of triple digits, there was a knock at the back door where I live. This is interesting considering that the back door is nowhere near the entry to the property. It actually butts up against some woods and brush. So since it was dusk and hotter than hades, I was a little alarmed. I mean who comes up to a house out on the outskirts of town, knocks on the backdoor and expects someone to answer. I guess that would be the hitchhiker that wandered onto the property. Yep I had a hitchhiker from the interstate wander onto the property, and I wasn't all that thrilled about it since I'm not feeling quite like I can kick some one's ass yet. I could probably hold my own, but not no holds barred you're out for the count. This just proves that I do not belong in this house and further reinforces my theory that if I'm going to be a victim of a crime, I'd rather it be in town where my neighbors at least can be witnesses. This all stems from a childhood incident which requires explanation at another date. The bottom line...the country is for vacation, city is for living. More on that later.

Eye Ball Scratches and Finger Smashes

2010-07-07T20:55:00.004-05:00

In keeping with what I've gained in Independence, I wanted to share an update on my lashes and nails. For whatever reason it may be, the right side eye lashes had grown better than the left. When the lashes were growing out, especially on the left side, they would poke my eye ball and had become pretty uncomfortable. It took lots of primping to keep those suckers out of my eye, hello lash curler. Now however, they have grown out to a comfortable length and no longer poke, but they still have a little ways to go to be as full. On to the nails. I noticed that my nails had grown out beyond my fingertips, which has been a hit or miss over the past year. With all the separating and ripples in the nail bed, I was continually cutting or pulling them off. In the past few days, I had not thought about them, and low and behold they had outgrown themselves. There's still a few ripples in the nail bed, but nothing that hinders the growth. Let's hope the nails stay this way to protect my fingers. Independence from eye ball scratches and finger smashes, yessssssss.

Magic Tools and Hair Gods

2010-07-06T19:01:00.003-05:00

After all the celebrating and festivities surrounding the fourth, I thought I would clue everyone in on my hair independence. I've been having an ongoing battle with how to properly and appropriately care for short hair while it grows out. Little did I know that it would be such a pain in the ass. I mean who ever said that long hair takes more work is crazy. There was a reason I had long hair for 10 years prior to going bald and for the majority of my pubescent years. That reason: low maintenance. I really haven't owned hair products, electrical utensils, or any other type of hair styling tool except ponies and a comb since junior high. But then after this past haircut I discovered magic tool. Oh yes ladies, you'll love this one, I found the flat iron. My hairstylist has used it on me before, but after this haircut, she used it. And this time, it sunk in. My hair looked like something resembling a style I could actually do and like. So I have my very first ever flat iron. Oh sweet hair gods, thanks for the independence from hair hell!

My Very Own Independence Day

2010-07-02T09:52:00.003-05:00

I just want to let you know that this post will be a little more on the cheeky side of things and pretty much only female friendly. So if you don't want to read about womanly issues, quit reading now! Well with this sentence, I'm assuming that most people have decided to read onward so let me just start by saying I am ready to be done with the changes in my body! I've been fairly hesitant to write about certain things, but this one I think most of the ladies can relate to in one way or another even if you haven't gone through chemo. Remember back to when I said that chemo puts a woman who is pre-menopausal into a pseudo-menopause. I guess my pseudo-menopause has passed and over the last few months, I've been experiencing the rather unpleasant side of female hormones. It started with a little spotting here and there, then it moved on to more than spotting yet not quite period, then just a few days ago it was full fledged for about a day. I know, joyful female time of the month! Now over the past few days, it's been touch and go, and I can't quite put a handle on it. This is really irking me that my body is having quite the time trying to regulate post-chemo, and to make it even more fun, these "episodes" have been about every other week. Let's just top this off by saying back when I got my very first womanhood experience it was exactly on the Fourth of July. My very own independence day. Now with the fourth of July ringing in this weekend, I get to go back in time and remember when I became a woman. Oh the memories.

Mowing - I Did It

2010-07-01T18:28:00.001-05:00

Before I went to my haircut today, I had a few housekeeping measures to attend to. First and foremost, mow the hayfield, I mean lawn. This was definitely a test to my ability to get back to normal activities and tolerance. Well I have to say that there were a few times I thought about calling it a day, but then I summoned up my mental ability to tough it out. After the short battle between neurosis, I made it. Toward the end of the mowing though, I about keeled over. It was taxing on my body, and I needed water and rest. Nevermind the fact that my hands were a little ticked from holding the mower. I mean they're trying to regenerate all the normal feeling. Did I mention the mower was a push? However, there's another upside to not having all the feeling in my hands; not feeling the blisters forming from the grip. So maybe it's not exactly an upside, but less painful. All in all, I'm happy to report that the lawn was fully mowed in preparation for the holiday, and I did it! Yes!

Bye, Bye Mini-Mullet

2010-06-30T11:20:00.004-05:00

The time has come for my third hair cut. Oh my, I can hardly believe it. Three yes three hair cuts since it started growing back. I guess the miracle gro, chia pet hair plan has really taken off in my case. My last hair cut was only a month ago, and my bangs have already grown what seems like inches. Well maybe an inch, and they are over my eyes in a bad way. Then there's my mini-mullet that has definitely resurfaced, and I just can't have that. I mean if I were going to the mullet convention looking for a prize, it might get the "mini-mullet, cancerville" prize, but no thanks. So tomorrow it is getting cut off again, and that bob that I wanted by summer...almost there baby!

In No Particular Order

2010-06-28T11:53:00.003-05:00

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to get out and see people flock in from all over the country to assess some art. That kicked my brain into high gear, wheels turning and such, as to the direction I need to go given last week's appointments. I may not have mentioned that since I'm "done done", I don't have to go back for a little over two months. This is great since I was annoyed with doctor's appointments a long time ago. I like my doctors, just not the appointments. Therefore, I have quite a bit of time to get things in order before I have to go back. So what are these things I have to get in order: job, health insurance, moving, housing, storage, etc. Of course in no particular order.

Vigilance?

2010-06-25T15:24:00.002-05:00

It's been a couple of days for it to sink in that I will longer be in "active" treatment. I mean that's great news that I can say I'm officially done, but on the flip side, I'm done done. Most women have some kind of follow up drug or treatment to keep the cancer out, but I'm a nothing. I'm fine with the fact that I do not have to put anything in my body, but slightly annoyed that I didn't have any other options short of surgery. I guess it's all a craps shoot on which short cancer straw a person gets in order to determine a plan. I do have the option on the miraculous off chance that my hands recover by November to take the remaining Avastin, but the likelihood of that is nill. So it would seem that I need to put it in my head that I have to be as vigilant as possible with my body and knowing if something is wrong. Vigilance, me, oh come on is it even a question?

Flip the Bird or Quit the Trial

2010-06-24T18:54:00.002-05:00

Wednesday brought about what could have potentially been a long day at UIHC again. It was a day for decisions to be made, and decisions were made alright. I got up after all the crazy stormy weather during the night and made the trek back to the cancer clinic in the pouring rain so that I could hash out with ABD-I whether or not to try to readdress the clinical trial. There are several reasons to do so, but the main painful reason is if I don't, I lose my health coverage again. A close second is the potential health benefit of curbing a recurrence. Now let's break this down. I've been fairly open about my battle with health coverage throughout this process, sparing some of the details of just how awful it got. However, here it comes again. Remember that I found a little caveat that let me get coverage through the Early Detection Program for women with breast and cervical cancer while undergoing treatment. Well I didn't anticipate the problems with the clinical trial drug, and I certainly had hoped I would have found a job by now. These two things combined makes for a loss of coverage. The program won't cover me if I'm not getting anything put it to my body, like chemo, radiation, chemo pills or hormone therapy. I get it. There has to be a cut off at some point, but I'm not out of the woods with my time frame where a recurrence most likely happens. (And let's just throw out of there, why hasn't anyone hired me full-time with benefits? I don't know.) Combine with the coverage issue the fact that my numbness in my hands hasn't gotten any better. In fact, I actually burnt my hand one day, don't ask me which day or how, but I burnt it and did not feel a thing. That's bad! Don't get me wrong, going around without feeling in some of my fingers and part of my hands has a few perks. For instance, I could probably flip someone off and blame it on the fact that I don't have all my feeling, and it did it on it's own. Not that I would do that. However, back to the question of the day yesterday...do I continue Avastin or quit the clinical trial altogether? Well given the burn, the decision was made, no more clinical trial.

Skyping with the Cancer Gals

2010-06-23T19:45:00.002-05:00

Last night, I met with my cancer gals group for some fun-filled cancer talk. It's always a pleasure to see what's going on with everyone, get the latest updates and have some friendly conversation surrounding the happenings in cancerville. As was fitting, the group is getting ready to usher in a new pledge to cancerville all while I'm on my out of cancerville (or at least Iowa cancerville). This meeting was especially bittersweet for me because it was my last meeting in person in anticipation of moving on to jobland and other ventures. There just comes a point when a person has to move on, and my time has come. Now that's not to say I won't be participating with this select group of fine young women. There's always skype, and I fully intend to use it. I mean I would have to start all over with another group in order to be fully efficient with my time.

Moles, Freckles and Mammograms

2010-06-22T11:40:00.003-05:00

My appointments today went fairly smoothly. Of course, the mammography unit was a little perplexed as to why I was back. I had to explain that I needed the other boob smashed in order to get my girls on the same schedule. So they took me back and oddly enough, the left side, which is not the affected side, was more uncomfortable than the right side. Strange I know, but alas, it too was apparently fine. Then it was off to the dermatology clinic to get a baseline skin check to monitor for melanoma since the breast cancer gene has been known to cause this in addition to the other cancers. Fun times having all my moles and freckles checked, but they too were no cause for concern. So all in all things seem to be fine in the moles, freckles and mammograms department.

Off to IC

2010-06-21T17:16:00.002-05:00

It's that time again for appointments. I'll be taking another two day in and out, not to be confused with the burger joint, at UIHC. Tomorrow, my day will start with that left side mammogram, then a skin appointment since the BRCA can cause melanoma on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I will start with ABD-I to talk with her about continuing my clinical trial or not and then with the outcome of that, possibly off to get a treatment. To round out the trip, I will meet with the cancer gals Tuesday night. There should be just enough time to sleep in there. Off to IC.

Borrow a Dad Program

2010-06-20T10:03:00.003-05:00

As we observe father's day, I'm not sure last year that I wrote how much I carry around suppressed emotions with this day. Well maybe the emotions aren't all that suppressed as internally crushed. I'm not one for much emotion, except crazy outbursts of energy, yet I find myself somewhat in a pickle with this day. It saddens me that when I have to go through some of the toughest experiences in life, the one parent that I was closer to (you know it happens), isn't around anymore. Actually it really pisses me off! Then to top it off, I find out that I inherited a genetic mutation from this parent and can't even discuss it with him. So today I'm feeling it a little bit more than last year, partially because last year I was caught up in a whirlwind of treatment and feeling like crap, and I'm not sure what to do with that. Should I scream; should I be happy for those who have their dads; should I go to the borrow a dad program; or should I be thankful for the years I did have? I just don't know.

Hello Pillowtop

2010-06-19T17:22:00.001-05:00

Ten days later, I'm finally back to being able to sleep in my own bed. After being in three cities in 10 days, I'm pretty beat, but it was well worth it. Futons, couches and floors aren't all that fun to sleep on. However, if it gets me where I need to go, then I guess it's a small sacrifice. All I can say today is...hello pillowtop!

Drenched in Rain, Soaked in Knowledge

2010-06-18T07:04:00.002-05:00

As my trip to find a job comes to a close, I thought I would take the opportunity to swing by a cancer and legal rights conference. After all, I'll be in job negotiations sooner rather than later and need to know how to do the delicate dance of asking for time off without necessarily giving up my personal information, which is not lawful on an employer's part. So I found myself at Loyola Law School in this conference today. It was very useful and didn't hurt that I could also network there with some top organizations in the biz. While there, those nasty Midwest storms rolled through, and I was on the 10th floor of the building. It was pretty creepy and at one point, I heard a woman say that it was the apocalypse. Well probably not, but it did bring the conference to a close. Then I left there feeling a little drenched from the rain, but soaked up in great knowledge!

Humid Locale on the Hair

2010-06-17T22:20:00.002-05:00

I don't have much to say this week except for my sweaty man beast hair. I guess I should clarify that a little more too. With my ongoing insurance saga and needing to find a job with income, I decided to be proactive and go looking in other cities. So where did I end up...the swamp. OK not really, but the locale is below sea level and has humidity like nobody's business. Of course this city offers opportunities for me that can not be found otherwise: public policy, well educated, networking opportunities, somewhat transient yet stable. What is this sweaty beast locale, why don't you know your geography? So going from a state that has 80% humidity on the average in summer, I went to 90%+ humidity. I guess everything's a trade off though so do I want to find a job. Yes! Now I have to decide if I want to move there permanently. More on this later. On another note, HAPPY 29th BIRTHDAY to one of my brothers! Enjoy it.

Sweaty Man Beast Hair

2010-06-15T13:48:00.002-05:00

Now I've had some serious days to get used to my new haircut. The haircut that razored off my mini-mullet and gave me a sort of rocker, alternative, earth lovin' look. Yep it's been a few good days, and I definitely feel the shape for the better. There's even been some compliments on how it frames my face. But the one thing that I was not prepared for with little bitty hairs shorter than microscopic amoeba was that when it gets hot and humid, I'm going to have some funk. And that funk would be defined as serious wetness from all the humidity and sweating. I look like a man beast come back from the ancient times to drip my bodily grossness on humankind. It's rather unpleasant. At least with long hair, it gets covered by the outer layers or pulled up into a disguise of sweaty hair ball. Nope with the short hair, there's no hiding it. It just seeps right through and shows my moisture. Oh joy!

Six Month Changeover

2010-06-10T13:08:00.002-05:00

Let's go back to the boobs feeling like they are ripping off saga. I mean how often do you feel like your boobs are about to rip off? That had been me for weeks until it let up a bit before my appointments. So this time I addressed it with the surgeon's nurse that is. Don't get me wrong, the pain was definitely on the mend a week ago or so, but just to double back, I brought it up. I was told that it's going to take a substantial amount of time for all the shifting to occur. Remember the every six months or so changeover and Humpty Dumpty never being quite right again? Well she reinforced the same adage that the doctor said with some humor related to us young gals, and contrary to older ladies larger breasts being fatty, young gal larger breasts don't have a lot of extra to cushion for the six month changeover. So again, I'm good!